[Scene: a non-descript midsized corporate office tower. Bobby Jr is sitting at his desk, his CEO nameplate reflecting the glare of the overhead flourescent lights. Tommy and Sam are sitting on the other side]
Tommy: Bobby, we need to talk about your Uncle Richmond.
Sam: Yeah, come on Bobby, we need to get rid of him. He's been living down in the server room for years and my team won't go anywhere near there. I've got five tickets in my backlog for failed drives, the replacements have been staged for weeks, but I can't get hands and feet to badge in because well... they're scared of him.
Bobby Jr: Scared of him? Why?
Tommy: Because of all of that thing he's got growing inside of him.
Bobby Jr: You know how important "Mother" has been to the company, we couldn't have built half of this without him. Remember when we started? Our MAU was barely keeping our investors off our back, they were going to pull the plug. If it wasn't for Uncle Richmond and "Mother", none of those new features we launched last quarter would be part of the platform.
Sam: You're right Bobby, we know. We still don't know how he managed to cram 16x more pods onto the k8s cluster without melting it, and we're all thankful for the extra headroom. It's just, can't we get him to... you know?
Bobby Jr: We've talked about this guys. He's literally powering the company, we can't just make him go away.
Tommy: He's not even a team player, he still won't give us access to that laptop he's always carrying around. He's started calling the laptop his "Colonel's secret" blend.
Bobby Jr: You know what happened when we tried to run those out of the cloud account, the latency to Virginia killed each and every one of those 13 services and they're critical to keeping the platform up.
Sam: And you know what happens if we can't get those drives replaced, the whole system gets sick.
Bobby Jr: Sam, you know there's no version of this company without Uncle Richmond. We're just going to have to learn to live with him, he's infrastructure now.